This last month has not been a pleasant one for me. I've found myself to be depressed and worried about the things that are beyond my control. I am progressively feeling better and it's because of my increased motivation. For the last couple of weeks I have been moping and pushing away the people that I love so much. This is not a good strategy for dealing with depression. I've come to find that taking joy in small amounts of spare time has helped me out. When I am busy is when I get upset, and I have found that taking the time to find a scripture and pray is the best way to get through this. For example, my writing today is a sign that I am getting better and I am finding ways to move forward. My activities, though not active, are quite relaxing and enjoyable. My biggest mistake has been pushing away my parents and my brother and my friends. I want all of you who read this to know that I love you, and I'm sorry. Today I realize that no matter how tough things may be and however much I don't want to spend quality time with people, quality time is exactly what I need.
Sometimes life can be about as intense as Scrabble. In your head it is excruciatingly painful and overactive, but on the outside it is almost boring to sit there and look at that board covered with horizontal and vertical words. It is tough to find a word once the board gets so full, but once you find a place and word, then the feeling is relief. That is the feeling we have when we learn how to deal with problems. Yes, it is a stretch to say that life and Scrabble have something in common, but it works in my mind, so I'm going to stick with it. Thank you all who read this blog, you are what keeps me rolling along and you help me to realize that there is nothing that I can't overcome.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Divine Inspiration
Throughout my entire life I haven't really had much of a drive to succeede. I was a slacker in high school all the up until my senior year. Then I was inspired by an amazing educator and I was more than willing to continue my education. Since that point though I haven't really been able to push myself to be the best that I can be. All of a sudden that has all changed.
Usually when we find inspiration, we find it in something tangible. We hear a story that rattles our emotions or we see a wonderful act of kindness and we feel like there is nothing that can stop us from bettering ourselves. Well, I have recently been inspired by something, which is actually nothing. I have this wonderful sudden drive to accelerate in my eduction. I don't know where it has come from or why I suddenly feel so driven, but I honestly do believe that it is something from above. I am moving in a new direction now. I'm ready to go wherever I am supposed to and I am totally willing to try anything new in getting there. I have an amazing desire to teach kids someday and I truly believe that this is what I'm meant to do. If you ever for some reason feel suddenly motivated, for no apparent reason, then know, and believe that the push that you feel is nothing short of divine inspiration.
Usually when we find inspiration, we find it in something tangible. We hear a story that rattles our emotions or we see a wonderful act of kindness and we feel like there is nothing that can stop us from bettering ourselves. Well, I have recently been inspired by something, which is actually nothing. I have this wonderful sudden drive to accelerate in my eduction. I don't know where it has come from or why I suddenly feel so driven, but I honestly do believe that it is something from above. I am moving in a new direction now. I'm ready to go wherever I am supposed to and I am totally willing to try anything new in getting there. I have an amazing desire to teach kids someday and I truly believe that this is what I'm meant to do. If you ever for some reason feel suddenly motivated, for no apparent reason, then know, and believe that the push that you feel is nothing short of divine inspiration.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Do Bad Days Really Exist?
Don't you think its funny how we determine what is to be considered a "bad day"? Do we sit around and weigh the pros and cons of the day? This number of things went bad and that is greater than the number of things that were good. I truly do not believe that we have any idea what it means to have a "bad day". I honestly don't think that a bad day is something that truly exists. Take my day today for example. Without using details there were a lot of negative things that happened to me and I was beginning to get angry at everything. For some reason I stopped, and thought, and really asked myself, "Why are you angry?"
I realized then that if you really looked at everything that was good, and I mean the small things, then it is ever so clear that no day is ever a bad day. Think about what you have accomplished this day. You woke up, drew breath, saw the world wake up. You see, it's not about noticing the things that are easy to pay attention to, because it's always easy to dwell on the bad things that happen to us. Just take a second, and think, and maybe, just maybe you will see that today is good.
I realized then that if you really looked at everything that was good, and I mean the small things, then it is ever so clear that no day is ever a bad day. Think about what you have accomplished this day. You woke up, drew breath, saw the world wake up. You see, it's not about noticing the things that are easy to pay attention to, because it's always easy to dwell on the bad things that happen to us. Just take a second, and think, and maybe, just maybe you will see that today is good.
Friday, January 9, 2009
In Good Company
I think that it would be appropriate to say that my life is very ordinary. My family is not all that disfunctional and we almost always get along. I used to think that life needed to be like a movie in order to be truly enjoyable, and I was upset in thinking that my life could never be that way.
Looking back on my very short life I have come to realize that my life in fact could very well be a ten disc documentary of the way that life should be. Maybe this sounds like nothing more than a "thank God" blog, and maybe it is, but all I know is that I've come to the wonderful conclusion that life is full of ups and downs and that's the way that it should be. No life will ever be like a fairytale, and if it was, then life would not be worth living. If not for all of the downs, then the ups would not be so great. What kind of appreciation for life would we have if it were not the times in which we fail and are heartbroken?
I have no wise words to follow my question, but I must say that life is so much better when we live it as simply as we possibly can. Live life and live it until you feel like you need a nap.
Looking back on my very short life I have come to realize that my life in fact could very well be a ten disc documentary of the way that life should be. Maybe this sounds like nothing more than a "thank God" blog, and maybe it is, but all I know is that I've come to the wonderful conclusion that life is full of ups and downs and that's the way that it should be. No life will ever be like a fairytale, and if it was, then life would not be worth living. If not for all of the downs, then the ups would not be so great. What kind of appreciation for life would we have if it were not the times in which we fail and are heartbroken?
I have no wise words to follow my question, but I must say that life is so much better when we live it as simply as we possibly can. Live life and live it until you feel like you need a nap.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Moving Forward
When I'm not at school or with the people that I love, I'm working at a local McDonald's four days a week. It gives me no pleasure to tell people that my occupation lies under the Golden Arches, but it is a job and it pays so that I can afford things. Well, I find myself working, day in, day out and I have taken the time to really think about what I'm doing at this place. I know that I have to personality to work somewhere so much better. I know that I am capable of doing any job that is placed in front of me and that I will be so much more successful than this someday. Unfortunately, I ask myself these questions on a daily basis, and for some reason I have suddenly found that this is how my life must progress.
I find myself working painfully because this is my drive. This is what gets me to school and helps me to complete my assignments. This is what is shaping me into the person that I will be. I am learning to appreciate the things that I am so fortunate to have. All of my life I have taken education, love and compassion, and even the physical condition of my body for granted. I have committed myself to struggling everyday so that there will come a point in which I won't have to struggle. This job is preparation for the rest of my life, better than high school could have taught me, and much better than anyone could have ever told me.
Hopefully someday I will be able to tell my students that life is not always easy, but me must press on if we ever want to achieve anything.
The last two years spent at my lovely, deep fried job have taught me so much about money management, time management, and overall responsibility. Even though it will be difficult for me to get out of bed tomorrow to go to work. I will shuffle my way into uniform and I will realize that this is all for a bigger purpose. Life is almost never easy, but when it's really difficult, it makes you appreciate the times in life that are so much less hectic.
I find myself working painfully because this is my drive. This is what gets me to school and helps me to complete my assignments. This is what is shaping me into the person that I will be. I am learning to appreciate the things that I am so fortunate to have. All of my life I have taken education, love and compassion, and even the physical condition of my body for granted. I have committed myself to struggling everyday so that there will come a point in which I won't have to struggle. This job is preparation for the rest of my life, better than high school could have taught me, and much better than anyone could have ever told me.
Hopefully someday I will be able to tell my students that life is not always easy, but me must press on if we ever want to achieve anything.
The last two years spent at my lovely, deep fried job have taught me so much about money management, time management, and overall responsibility. Even though it will be difficult for me to get out of bed tomorrow to go to work. I will shuffle my way into uniform and I will realize that this is all for a bigger purpose. Life is almost never easy, but when it's really difficult, it makes you appreciate the times in life that are so much less hectic.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Look Around the Table
This past holiday I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my extended family. I had never really thought that second cousins could really be close family members. On a Monday night just a couple of days after Christmas I found myself at the house of my fathers cousin. I had convinced myself that I really didn't want to be there because I was going through a break up didn't want any "family time" so to speak. We all sat down and had dinner together and there was a lot of conversation and laughter and just a great opportunity to see exactly what the holidays were truly about.
It wasn't until later that night that I was hit by a huge realization. We were still around the table, but instead of eating, we were playing Apples to Apples. Now, in a game that is truly about comedy and being very loud, I would never have expected to have an epiphany in that moment. It was almost as though time had stood still and I look into the face of each person sitting at that table and I realized that this is what matters. More than having things, more than chasing our dreams; this is what matters. My heart was broken for my ended relationship, but I realized that no matter what happens in life, people can not help you, they can only stand by and understand. To ask anything more from anyone else is unreasonable. Everyone sitting at that table knew exactly what had happened to me just days before and they did the best thing that they could have done, they kept it off of my mind. Never could I ask for more.
This holiday season is the first time in which I have received so few material possessions, but I truly understood the meaning of the birth of Christ. This is what made the Christmas of 2008, the best Christmas that I have ever had.
It wasn't until later that night that I was hit by a huge realization. We were still around the table, but instead of eating, we were playing Apples to Apples. Now, in a game that is truly about comedy and being very loud, I would never have expected to have an epiphany in that moment. It was almost as though time had stood still and I look into the face of each person sitting at that table and I realized that this is what matters. More than having things, more than chasing our dreams; this is what matters. My heart was broken for my ended relationship, but I realized that no matter what happens in life, people can not help you, they can only stand by and understand. To ask anything more from anyone else is unreasonable. Everyone sitting at that table knew exactly what had happened to me just days before and they did the best thing that they could have done, they kept it off of my mind. Never could I ask for more.
This holiday season is the first time in which I have received so few material possessions, but I truly understood the meaning of the birth of Christ. This is what made the Christmas of 2008, the best Christmas that I have ever had.
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